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CONSTANCE KEANE (FEARS) Producer & Musician For D
ublin-born producer and musician Constance Keane, music started with a bang on her ninth birthday; between opening presents and consuming cake, she had her first drum lesson. Throughout adolescence, Keane continued in her percussive pursuit before taking advantage of her laptop which opened up a world of music production at her fingertips. In a golden-lit room in central Dublin, she reflected on the impact composing via technology had on her personal development, “The accessibility of software allowed me to create something in the moment. Documenting thoughts and ideas as they’re coming out is a fascinating way to get to know yourself. In that regard, music was hugely important in forming emotional intelligence.” As time progressed, more layers and textures appeared in her arrangements. Eventually, so did lyrics. “I put off writing lyrics until I was nineteen. It’s not how I instinctively express myself, which for me, is through sound,” she shared. Having honed her style – sparse ambient melodies harnessed with harrowing, reverbladen vocals – Constance Keane began releasing music as Fears in 2016. Shortly after the release of her debut single, Keane spent six weeks in St Patrick’s Mental Health Service having suffered a mental breakdown catalysed by a traumatic experience. She was acutely suicidal upon admission. A report regarding mental health published by the OECD in November 2018, detailed the rapid increase of mental illness across Europe. It documented that, in 2016, one in six people (approximately eighty-four million individuals) suffered from poor mental health. Amongst the disorders affecting people, anxiety was classed as the most common. Since the age of sixteen, Keane has dealt with both anxiety and panic attacks. Shrouded by the disorders, Keane was unable to find solace in anything during this period. Not even music. “I couldn’t make music because I felt I had completely lost myself,” she said, “Not being able to do something I care about so much was terrifying because I thought I’d always have it in my life. When I entered St Patrick’s Hospital, I was so ill that I couldn’t go near music because I found it over-stimulating. I mostly listened to Headache by Grouper. That got me to sleep when nothing else would.” Ironically then, Keane cites the hospital’s music room as an integral resource in her recovery. “Initially, I went to the music room to cry because I was surrounded by things that gave me a lot of comfort. I felt safe crying surrounded by instruments. It took me a while to actually use them, though. When I did, it was an entirely new experience for me because I had zero expectations or intention for the songs to be released. The freedom to create for the sake of creating was a game-changer for me. It was through music, banging away at the drums, that made me feel like my nine-year-old self, again.” Days and evenings in the hospital were spent in the music room. It was there where, with a friend from her ward, Keane played the drums (“We had a punk band together”) and even gave another patient impromptu drum lessons. A particularly poignant half-an-hour in the music room oversaw the writing and recording of h_always. The song would be Fears’ third single, released in April 2018. Speaking about the importance of that song, Keane said, “There were so many aspects of my situation that I needed to validate for myself. I spent so long telling myself that I was unreasonable for having certain feelings. I slowly learned, during my treatment, that I was entitled to those feelings. I wrote about them because when you write a song about something, it exists permanently. For me to go back to my ward and listen to the song in my bed and think, ‘This isn’t half-bad!’ was really good for me because it helped rebuild my self-esteem.” Having experienced the benefits of incorporating music into her recovery, Keane fully endorses the unifying nature of creative arts in therapy. “I think it’s great because of the sense of community that comes out of it. Musicians are susceptible to suffer from mental health issues, in part, because of the lifestyle that goes with it; financial struggles, housing issues, working alone. I think to build a network is so important to develop a support system. Even for non-musicians, I think it’s amazing to hand someone an instrument, even a small shaker! There’s a fun element to it and to bring as much fun to life as possible when you’re feeling low is so important.” ➝ 24